Poignant thoughts and pensive musings....

We have a depressed Bryony on our hands ladies and gentlemen - I know, a break from tradition isn't it? Yes, I seem to be cracking up again....good times people.

It seems the whole results tension, the relocation of my boyfriend, the lack of money for the next few years and the whole moving to university thing have finally permeated the bubble I've been living in for the past two months and reality is setting back in.

And let's be honest, reality needs kicking repeatedly.

I haven't had what is termed loosely as a 'depressive bout' since May but the fact I'm growing up seems to have brought one on. Cue not being able to eat which leads to me being really tired, emotionally drained and not moving from my bed. Indeed today will be the first day I have left the house properly since Sunday (I think) and it will only to be go down to town for thirty minutes. So yes I'm ill and torn between that desire to go to University and have a great time but also incredible fear and loathing for having to experience yet another lot of change.

If you hadn't noticed, change and I do not get on. Just ask Saf, he feels the same as me.

I tried to go University shopping on Sunday and found myself severely out of pocket by the end of it. My Mum kept saying do you want this *holds up wooden spoon* and my refusal to take anything else than what I wanted/felt I needed. Priorities include laptop, bedding, clothes and crisps. I don't need anything else...although maybe I should add some orange juice to the list. As you can see I'm intending to live a very healthy life at Uni....if I ever get there that is.

I am actually quite terrified now, surprising considering my eagerness and previous bravado. Apparently fear comes to all of us, most notably a world class worrier like little old me. Twelve weeks just seems like an endless time that I can't begin to imagine and if I don't like it....well....the word 'screwed' does come to mind. I think it's the fact so much has changed over the past two years already and I've only just got used to things, so the idea of being uprooted again doesn't fill me with so much enthusiasm. I'm not a big geek so university is not all about the education for me, but at the same time I'm a pretty poor partier so the social life isn't the key element either. These facts alone are a little worrying and I just hope I fit in.

Also this blog will probably be the last I write before you all leave me for University. Therefore, I send my good wishes (I do have some) to you and wish you all luck for the future. You have been the most amazing friends in the world and I hope we all stay in touch.

So feel free to join me in the 'oh-crap-i'm-growin-up-and-having-to-take-responsibility-for-my-life-and-it-scares-me-and-is-making-me-depressed' corner and we'll have a drink.

I bought champagne especially.

Miaow *insert paw print*

I love Big Red

That is what was written on my hand when I woke up on Thursday morning and what took 3 attempts to wash off. A sign of a good night out I feel, especially when certain parts are blurry and your feet hurt from dancing and running places. So that was my Wednesday and most of my Thursday as I was still recovering until the evening; it was nice to see that everyone else was in a similar state of afternoon hangovers and tiredness as well - it made me feels slightly better. Somehow Becki (who essentially passed out and is the Big Red in question) managed to be the one who looked the most alive last night whilst everyone else suffered from being knackered. Although her memory was severly impaired....

Anyway countdown to University: two weeks :O

I really really want to go now! Tom's off this weekend so I'm alone for two weeks, whilst everyone else starts on the 21st and then I'm even more alone in my final week. Really not impressed and the plan for tomorrow thus far is curling up in bed, sleeping the day away and pretending he isn't leaving as I eat chocolate (yes I know I'm quite pathetic). Actually screw it - that's the plan for the next two weeks, periodically interspersed with packing and buying things that I'll need as you all go off and leave me! It's weird because I feel I still have a lifetime to experience before I go to Uni and I forget that I've got another life to experience when I get there *feels profound if slightly soppy*

Also because I doubt he actually reads my blog, I need to say hello to Tom :) This blog proves I'm not nearly as weird as you think I am.

Anyway nothing worth mentioning (or that I should mention for fear of delicate ears) has happened recently....so why on earth I'm blogging I'm not sure. I really should have had a topic in mind when I set out writing tonight but to be honest I just needed to vent.

Oh and watch mean girls

Because once again everyone seems to be updating...

I don't like writing about myself - I really don't. Shocker I know considering I'm so amazing, vain, wonderful and many other brilliant adjectives but I see no point in broadcasting this to the world and rubbing it into other people's faces. Hence the whole lack of blogging...
Also nothing has really happened so there seemed to be no point.
But now Humaira has returned to the blogging world, Emad is publishing our poems on his and Saf keeps insinuating he will update his so I feel the need to strike while the iron is hot and type away. Apparently we shall record our lives through the medium of blogging while we are at Uni so everyone can keep track of our lives lol. Humaira predicts many interesting circumstances such as having Lloyd's repossess her halls when she goes bankrupt and destroying all the washing machines by accident. Anyway I liked the idea of a diary through University type thing so I returned from a long absense and decided to get my blogging juices flowing again.
It is now sixteen days till I go to Uni :O - I still can't believe months of waiting and years of hard work have finally culminated into this last few moments. Everyone else seems to be leaving before me so I get to hear the horror stories first and I can't wait to hear how everyone is doing. It will be a strange strange experience but I good one I hope - if not I'm off to write for a few years.
Anyway I'm going to do an Emad and do a quick run down of things because I'm running out of things to talk about :

• Emad and Saf are moving in together hopefully. I'm sensing a love nest type situation with plenty of sex parties - I've been invited to stay already!
• Saw the Jenny and the Humaira yesterday. Had a very emotional goodbye and general moanings about how we don't want to grow up! I can't believe you aren't coming to Lancaster with me :'(
• Mass conversations with Saf, Emad and Humaira are just the best. Have so much fun with you lot, even if they do descend into carnage.
• I've become a poet - more poems shall be added as I construct them. I'm very creative and amazing like that you see :P
• After years in the wilderness I have finally found an amazing guy. *feels loved up* Best boyfriend in the world....though he's shocking with plaster of paris lol.
• I passed my exams! Shocking to me I tell you, but worth the 7am UCAS checking.
• Student Finance are bigotted, prejudiced twats and shall feel my wrath.
• Mills and Boon are sending me payment demands for books I've never bought - what is with the determination to take money from me!
• I'm going to have an article *fingers crossed* published in the Lancaster University's magazine in Fresher's week :)
• And.....well I've run out of things to say right now. I shall blog more frequently from now on.....more often than Saf anyway.

I shall also leave you with a short poem to highlight my poetic genius: *clears throat*

I'm a poet

and I know it

Toodles!

Anyway I updated so my duty is done for the night.

Just because everyone else has recognised their blogs....

Er well its like 3am, just got back from Huddersfield and I'm whacked.
1. My feet hurt
2. Im making no sense
3. I think I've got food poisoning
4. Er....I can't count higher than this

So everyone seems to be blogging again and just because Saf, the worst blogger in the world has, I feel the need to respond. In the past ten months I've managed to do:

• My AS and A Levels....whoa, that thought makes me nauseous.....I have sooooo failed. The nightmares have started :S
• I have the bestest friends ever
• Its prom on Saturday - you have no idea how excited I am
• I've just had the best night out in a long long time.
• Hmmmm I think I need a job
• I'm pretty woahaha right now so this doesn't make a lot of sense
• I actually got accepted by universities. I'm going to Lancaster in September :)
• I had possibly the worst ten months in my life, but finally I'd like to think Im recovering. I couldn't have done it without certain people :)
• Happy pills get you through the day
• I have made many mistakes, but I'd like to think I'm a better person for it. People may not like me, but Ive realised I don't need to change to please anyone.

Er....I don't feel so good.

Im off
Bye :/

Oh dear lord

About four months since I posted. I am officially the worst blogger ever.
Well maybe Saf is worse :)
I now believe none of you read this, so I'm essentially ranting to myself but never mind, just thought I'd post so I don't feel so bad.
I apologise for taking so long to blog again, but it's taken me that long to organise my thoughts. I have, I hope you realise, just suffered through exams, results and now the long haul of English Lit hwk. I've become addicted to MSN, Life with Derek (Dasey rules!!!!!), youtube, fanfiction.net and basically doing anything but hwk.
Therefore, time has not been available to vent out my thoughts.
But I will give a quick catch up:
Exams - shite. 3hrs is pure torture.
Results: AABB (Critical Thinking does not count as a subject and that is what I keep telling myself when I look at the terrible grade I got in it)
Work: Ive begun to volunteer in a charity shop on a Saturday. I hate the till, but I like the clothes I get to sort through :)
Driving: I hate it but I can master how to make the car move. I just dislike other drivers - im the female Jeremy Clarkson.
Summer: Again pretty rubbish. Involved me discovering Canadian kids show Life with Derek and watching it religiously on youtube cos Michael Seater is damn hot. As you can tell my vocab and grammar is going downhill with computer overload. Plus my Mum was in hospital for four days so summer was not brill. Lit work is impossible to do and EPQ work has been neglected for next weekend.
Only a few more days till school begins and I'm a mixture of excitement and dread at the thought of it. Dread because of the school work and the fact I have only one year left (I don't want to leave all my friends) and excitement cos I get to see you guys! Although some people I'd be glad to avoid.
Anyways I was bored and waiting for something to upload so I decided to blog and make Emad happy (not in a sick way). If anyone still reads this I'll see you Thursday!
Huggles X

TIME AND THE LACK OF IT

OMG i haven't blogged for ages and by now none of you probably read it so essentially its just me rambling to the pet pigeon that looks here on the offchance.
Well main reasons for lack of blogging: can't be arsed, life is too dull/depressing to write about and relive again and thhe huge lack of time I have.
I awoke this morning with a strange quote in my head - 'So we play the fools with time whilst the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us'. [What is scary is the fact that is from my Henry IV Part 2 text for my exam - omg I can't believe i remembered it. ]Yep - that summed up life pretty well. I have seriously been wasting time just doing nothing really when I should have been revising and planning my history coursework exam - which is tomorrow - eek!
No, like usual I left it to the last minute - even though I said I wouldn't - and now I REALLY REGRET IT.
Stupid Critical Thinking exam today. Stupid sodding subject that I know NOTHING about and this revision was taking up valuable coursework planning time. Free periods were wasted with it, English Language consisted of making revision posters, Lit was dull and the exam itself was pitiful and consisted of me guessing on the multiple choice questions.
Lunch was empty. Everyone was away today again; Humaira, Amy and some others were off chemistrying at Huddersfield Uni; Jenny was having her hair cut; Lucy was driving; Zainab and Saf were not there for some reason;Katie and Rob were at lunch; Emad was at the other end of the table so i couldn't take to him; Beckie and Nic were attempting to watch me revise and I thinks thats about it. I attempted a pratice multiple choice paper and checked my answers which were all wrong! Losing faith I handed it to Beckie to have a go at and she got them all wrong too. It wasn't until Rob came and got some wrong that I realised I was...uh...using the markscheme for the...eh....wrong year *looks embarassed*
Oh God school is seriously frying my brains!

A post about Saturday, on a Sunday, because i'm being awkward

Ahh, yesterday amused me greatly, well, it did after my mother bought me an iced bun as an apology for shouting at me yesterday all because i was too busy to do something for her! Pah, i won this argument and got an iced bun out of it as well. The more capable minded of you will recall that Friday consisted of me pushing the car for a bit as it essentially 'konked out'. Now, it was taken away yesterday by some garage and around 1pm my mother and father disappeared to go and pick it up. I had no idea this was occuring because i am, as you all know, completely unobservant about things like this and if a pink elephant ran past me i'd just carry on walking. However, i did notice when a different car pulled up outside my house and my parents got out and it turns out they'd gone new car shopping without me as the old one was a write off. Damn and to think we could have sold it a few weeks ago to that car washing dude. I had a great hour or so sat in the car by myself playing with all the dials and such, its really cool because you can change the temperature setting it particular parts of the car and things light up! Yes *clears throat to hide embarassment at fascination by dials and knobs* well, the second big thing that happened yesterday was Amy's birthday which was hilarious to say the least. Rob and Aaron got completely pissed after a drinking game with Josh. Rob is a hilarious drunk - he's so happy and crashes into everything whilst declaring how much he loves everyone. For the most, we left him to it whilst we had to find Aaron who'd made a break for freedom and nearly fallen down the stairs. Zoe and I tried to understand how to play snooker and learn what things were, progressing from sticks to cues in our knowledge of the game, Zoe even ended up playing against Andy and i think she won through lots of cheating. Jenny and I didn't get severely pissed, just tipsy and a bit disillusioned, Andy gossiped, Zoe, Jenny and I bitched, Ben was Ben and Katie was happy. It was one of those things you had to be there for really, but it was a great night and so thank you Amy if by the rare chance you are reading this. Today is boring so far, i'm sleepy and essay weighed under. Pah, Blackadder 2 beckons. Toodles mon amie (look, im a french retard i have no idea if the last part is correct)